I am....

I am.... BEGINNING ATTEMPTS AT PRESENTATION REFLECTIONS

I am down at the “river”—really just a trickle that is dammed up to become the main water source for the village. The red, #10 tomato paste can serves as the water scooper—the town shower I am left to figure out on my own after Freddy flippantly pointed me down in this direction. I hope I got this right, to stay out of the pool and wash downstream of the flow. I guess it is nice they think I am smart enough to figure this out on my own, but at times, a little more “guiding” might be welcome. But I think, in many ways, this leaving us alone has opened us up to experience, allowed us to explore, and forced everyone to push boundaries and thereby discover more about life in the DR, and themselves.

I am shucking beans- they are the ones in season and I crack their sticky shells and watch them fall into the bowl. The colors vary like easter eggs. Some are white with a blue glow and some tan with a red hue. Each snap is a surprise. We toss the shells onto a palm leaf on the dirt floor. As I sit I feel like something way bigger than a bowl of beans. I share a basin with Ceila, her mother and sister in law in plastic lawn chairs across the way. Their Spanish bounces from one to the other like a song. I catch few words.. nino... leche... mama.. and I feel the love even not knowing the words. I am reminded how communication is more than sentence structure, more than fragments and way more than spelling. I smile as if I have understood every word and laugh along with them.

Going to hike up water falls was probably one of the most exciting things on this trip. It was very nice to see that everyone was very excited. They were also very positive on pressuring people into jumping off high heights.

I am in the air. I have disregarded one of man’s most primitive notions not to leave the safety of the land and am plummeting into the water below. I have lost most control of my upper limbs and they flap as if trying to return me to dry land. From previous jumps my body keeps expecting to hit water, but this leap is considerably higher then the rest. At last my body comes to rest in the water below.

I’m standing outside on my first morning of living in the campo. I can smell summer, sweat, and the stink of the outhouse. Even this early in the morning my skin feels like it’s steaming. I feel like I haven’t gotten an hour of sleep, I feel like my body is awake but my brain is still sleeping. I feel like I’m camping, even though I slept in the only nice bed in the house last night. I squirt some water bottle and toothpaste on my toothbrush. Brushing my teeth, like I do every morning. I hear a giggle from behind me. Followed by a long string of baby Spanish. This is the first sentence I heard from Emily.....the sentence that started six days of constant undecipherable chatter. I turn around and spit toothpaste all over the ground.  She giggles again and sings something else in Spanish. I don’t understand a word she says, but I can tell by her face she thinks the foaming stuff on my face and the ground is ridiculous. We walk back up the muddy hill to our house, constant giggle chatter.

I am leaning my head back to soak up all the stars.  Less than in the pueblo but more than I remember from home.  I bounce stories off my friend in the luke warm air on the hostel’s balcony.  I am watching the sky. Most of the stars are the same while one rapidly moves through the cielo.  I make a wish on the shooting star, “Please let me come back to the Dominican Republic one day and see all my new amigos again.”  I am on a balcony, in another country, with summer-like hair brushing through my hair, and I am already hoping to return.  My brain rushes as I am reminding myself to stop thinking about how triste it will be to leave and start focusing on what is so great here.  I am trying to figure out why it is important to change the way of my thinking.  One way is noticing and the other way is missing what I’m noticing as soon as I notice, they aren’t that different, si?  I realize I forgot about retelling cuentos with my friend.  The balcony is silent. Be here.  Miss it tomorrow.

I am feeling free and alive, healthy. I am dancing the merange watching my partner’s feet and hips while trying to coordinate mine with his. I letting myself go.

I am taking in a deep breath and jumping. Then crashing into the beautiful cool waters below. I am letting myself go.

I am groovin with the moon. On the balcony, letting my body be free. I am letting myself go.

I am playing some b-ball on the court with a bunch of boys. Where did they come from? Attempting the tricky shots they are also trying. I am letting myself go.

I am free

I am alive

I am healthy

I am standing on top of a waterfall, staring down at the pool below. Behind me the guide is saying, “just go. Jump there. Is easy.” My classmates are awaiting my leap into space, in blue waters 8 meter below. I am too high up, I don’t belong here, but the only way down is to step of the ledge into space. I take one more look at my peers in the water. Breathe.. breathe.. breathe... I jump. I don’t remember the fall or whether I screamed all I know is my throat scratches. I don’t remember hitting the water. All I remember is suddenly being surrounded by cool wet and racing bubbles to the surface. As my head bobs up, I look upwards towards the ledge. I did it. I learned not to over think what life throws at me. Just to stop, take it in, let go and fall.